How to Set Good Goals (and Stick to Them!)

Goal-setting is often framed as a way to “fix” ourselves – be better, do more, work harder. But that approach can leave us feeling drained, defeated, and fed up. What if your goals didn’t have to feel like a test of your willpower?

The truth is, the way we approach goal-setting matters just as much as the goals themselves. Rigid, all-or-nothing goals are often the first to fail. But compassionate, flexible, and balanced goals? They give you space to grow, change, and succeed – even when life doesn’t go to plan.

In this guide, we’ll explore:

• What is goal setting and why is it important?
• How is goal setting done?
• What are goal-setting strategies that actually work?
• What makes a goal “good” and how do you create one?

If you’ve ever felt like goal-setting just isn’t for you – this guide will show you a kinder, more effective way forward.  

What Is Goal Setting and Why Is It Important?

At its core, goal setting means identifying something you want to achieve and creating a plan to make it happen. But it’s more than just writing down an outcome. Good goal setting also involves self-reflection, patience, and the ability to adjust as life changes.

Why is goal setting important?

• It provides clarity and direction: Without goals, it’s easy to feel like you’re “just getting through the day.” Goals give you focus and purpose.
• It builds motivation: When you have something meaningful to work towards, it creates momentum and energy.
• It helps track progress: Clear goals let you see how far you’ve come, which is a big motivator.
• It supports self-trust: Achieving small goals (like reading for 10 minutes a day) builds a sense of self-trust — proof that you can follow through.

However, goal-setting doesn’t need to be rigid or punishing. When we set kind, compassionate goals, we create space for rest, growth, and self-belief.

How Is Goal Setting Done?

You’ve probably heard of the SMART method of goal setting:

• Specific: Be clear about what you’re aiming for.
• Measurable: Know how you’ll measure success.
• Achievable: Set goals that are within your current capacity.
• Relevant: Make sure the goal aligns with your values and priorities.
• Time-bound: Have a timeline or deadline to work towards.

The SMART framework is helpful, but real life doesn’t always follow a perfect timeline. If you want to know how goal setting is done in a more human, flexible way, here’s a process that works in real life:

1. Start With Your Values, Not “Shoulds”

Rather than setting goals you think you “should” achieve (like running a marathon or hitting a certain weight), start with what matters to you. Is it connection, calm, confidence, or energy? A goal rooted in your values will feel far more motivating than one driven by pressure or comparison.

Ask yourself:

• What matters most to me right now?
• Which parts of my life feel undernourished (relationships, health, personal growth, etc.)?

When you start with your values, you create a goal that’s personally meaningful – and that’s more likely to last.

2. Break It Down (Small Steps are Best)

Big, vague goals like “get fitter” or “save money” are hard to achieve because they’re too broad. Instead, break them down into smaller, specific steps. If “get fitter” feels overwhelming, start with “go for a 20-minute walk every Wednesday and Friday”.

If you’re aiming to “reduce screen time,” break it down into a smaller goal like “put my phone in another room for 30 minutes each evening”.

Small steps build momentum, which is far more effective than going all in and burning out.

3. Add In, Don’t Just Cut Out

Many people frame goals around what they want to remove from their lives (like “no sweets” or “no social media”), but it’s far easier to focus on adding something in.

Examples of the “add-in” approach:

• Instead of “I’ll stop scrolling at night”, try “I’ll read 10 pages of a book before bed”.
• Instead of “I’ll stop eating sweets”, try “I’ll snack on one fruit or veg each day”.
• Instead of “I’ll stop wasting my evenings”, try “I’ll add in 30 minutes of creative time after dinner”.

This approach shifts the goal from restriction to enrichment – which makes it feel far more positive and achievable.

What Are Goal-Setting Strategies That Actually Work?

So, what are goal-setting strategies that actually work? Most of us know the classic advice (like “write down your goals”), but here are some lesser-known, science-backed approaches that actually work.

1. Use the 7 Rs of Goal-Setting

• Reminders: Set reminders on your phone, sticky notes, or digital calendars.
• Records: Track your progress – it feels motivating to see your wins add up.
• Rewards: Celebrate milestones, even small ones (like finishing a chapter of a book).
• Routines: Attach new habits to daily routines, like stretching after your morning coffee.
• Relationships: Tell a friend about your goal – support and accountability help.
• Reflection: Take time to reflect on what’s working and adjust as needed.
• Restructure Your Environment: Set up your space to make your goal easier (like keeping your yoga mat out, not hidden in a cupboard).

2. Balance Drive With Rest

Many goals focus on drive (achieving more, doing better), but humans thrive when we balance drive with soothing and rest. If you’re already feeling frazzled, the best goal might not be “achieve more” – it might be “rest more”.

Examples of balance-based goals:

• Take one night per week with no screens after 8pm.
• Go for a nature walk every Saturday morning.
• Book in 15 minutes of mindful breathing once a day.

These goals nurture your soothe system, not just your drive system.

3. Compassionate Goals, Not Perfectionist Ones

Compassionate goals are the opposite of perfectionist goals. Instead of “be better,” they focus on being kind to yourself.

Instead of:

• “I have to lose weight” → “I want to feel strong and energised in my body”.
• “I need to be more successful” → “I want to learn one new skill this year”.

This shift matters. Goals rooted in self-compassion are more likely to stick because they aren’t driven by fear or pressure.

What Makes a Goal “Good”?

So, what are good goals? A good goal isn’t about being “impressive or perfect. It’s about what works for you. Good goals are:

• Flexible: When life changes, the goal can change too.
• Kind: They aren’t rooted in punishment or perfectionism.
• Achievable: They fit your current capacity (and don’t require you to become superhuman).
• Balanced: They support your needs for both energy and rest.

The Takeaway

The best goals aren’t about perfection or willpower – they’re about compassion, balance, and flexibility. When your goals are rooted in kindness, self-trust, and real-life priorities, you’re far more likely to achieve them.

At Thea Psychology, we help women create meaningful, achievable goals that support balance and self-worth. If you’d like support with perfectionism, self-compassion, or balanced goal-setting, visit our services page to see how we can support you.

So, what good goal will you set to bring more balance, joy, or calm into your life this year?

Resources

[1] https://rocktheboat.biz/chronicles/chronicles-struggle-no-more-make-behavioral-change-with-7rs/